Like a lot of women in her circumstance, my mother felt sick and tired at times. She was sick of cleaning up after an ungrateful child. She was tired of having to redress the doll a million times over because clumsy little fingers didn’t work as well as hers. She was sick telling me that if I took the treasured bear with me, I had to be responsible with it only to find herself carrying it a short while later. She was tired of hearing nothing but complaints about the food she served, especially when someone else made the exact same recipe and I declared it to be yummy.
I suspect parenthood is a lot of being sick and tired and tired of being sick from the germs those little darlings insist on not just bringing home, but sharing with you. Aren’t you glad you taught them how to share? J
This doesn’t mean that my father wasn’t sick and tired either, because when I think back on it (and admittedly without too much of a struggle) I wasn’t the easiest of children to raise. As in I wasn’t the nicest child, certainly wasn’t grateful for a lot of what was provided to me as a child and well, I was in a hurry to leave these people and their rules and expectations. Not only was I in a hurry to get away, I let them know repeatedly how I wasn’t about to turn into some semblance of them and their lives.
These days I find myself struggling with being sick, tired and everything in between. Only for me it’s a bit different, you see I classify being sick as when lupus has decided that she simply must have her voice heard in my life, this is also known as a flare. I classify tired again in conjunction with the exhaustion that typically is part of the lovely gift known as lupus. Finally the everything in between is what I classify as life, you know all the stuff you do too (from getting up early, staying out too late, working, having fun, doing the laundry and so on).
Most days I try to focus on the “everything in between”, and ignore the whole “sick” and “tired” aspects of my life. The “everything in between” allows me to feel “normal” and functioning, not that people who are unable to focus on the “everything in between” are less of a person (even if parts of society insist on using that as part of a narrative). And I must confess that it’s the “everything in between” part of my life that brings the most laughter from genuine joy to hysterical laughter as “experts” tell me that if I change what I eat, change the water I drink and even the type of air in my house the whole “sick” and “tired” parts of my life will go away. Because clearly when you live in the “everything in between” and have that as your only focus you get the “sick” and the “tired” and frankly have all the answers to fixing things. These people gently assure me that if I wasn’t “sick” and “tired” I could have thought of some of these fixes myself. But alas I’m just not there.
This blog then is a place for the “sick” and the “tired” to share their experiences and narratives about dealing with living with the “everything in between” aspects, be it your own “everything in between” or feedback from others who only have to focus on the “everything in between”.